Facebook Faux Pas
Facebook may have started out as just a social networking site meant to be used for fun, but it has become a serious staple of everyday life. You cannot even watch the news anymore without the anchor advising you to “check out our Facebook page and post questions or comments!” Everyone sees what you put on Facebook so here are a few things you should probably refrain from posting in order to avoid looking like the douchebag you truly are.
1. “Liking” your own status. That is the real-life equivalent of walking into a room and exclaiming: “Hey everyone! I like my shirt!” We know you like the shirt…that is why you bought it and then wore it in public you conceited asshole. Same rules apply for Facebook statuses..obviously you like what you wrote or you wouldn’t have posted it.
2. Talking shit about other people via someone elses Facebook wall. When you post on Sally’s wall “WOW…”you know who” looks like a beaver with down syndrome in her new default. LOL!!!!” Chances are retarded beaver girl has a friend who is friends with Sally who will then text her and tell her what you said. And you just look like an immature idiot anyway. Save the shit talking for Facebook chat, messages or texting.
3. Writing on your boyfriend/girlfriends wall several times a week with comments such as “I love you baby snuggle wuggles!!” You aren’t fooling anyone. Everyone knows you are just trying to make your presence known to every girl/guy your significant other is Facebook friends with. Also, stupid nicknames or inside jokes should be kept private if not for the sake of your dignity, then for my gag reflex. Get your insecurities and trainwreck of a relationshit off my News Feed and text or call your “cuddly baby cakes” instead of putting it on Facebook.
4.“Liking” statuses or posts that are not worthy of being liked. If your friend posts: “just landed an internship!!” feel free to “like” the shit out of that status. If your friend posts “class” or “my fish just died” ..try to refrain from hitting the “Like” button. Also, don’t fucking “Like” when someone goes from being In a Relationship to Single. This is not a status about football season or class being cancelled. That is someones life and in most cases one of the people feels shitty about it so try not to be an ignorant dickhead for 5 seconds.
(“Liking” Addiction is a serious problem. If you know someone who has Chronic Liking Every Status on Facebook Because I’m a Bored Douchebag disorder, call 1-800-helpmyloserfriend.)
5.Commenting on a serious post asking stupid questions when you barely know the person but you are just a nosy pest. When someone goes from In a Relationship to Single, it is completely innapropriate to comment on it saying “OMG what happened?!” It’s none of your fucking business what happened. If you were good enough friends with the person, they would probably tell you without you having to ask via Facebook. When someone has an RIP status and you comment it saying “SHIT who died?!?! Call me (but not until 9pm because Glee is on)”….just do us all a favor and disappear.
6. Posting quotes that can be found on FireHotQuotes.com. ………self explanitory.
7. Posting edited pictures of yourself that look NOTHING like you. This isn’t Tumblr where you follow random people who you will probably never see in person. Typically you are Facebook friends with only people you know in real life…so stop wasting so much time on photoshop.
8. Friend requesting people you have never met, and will never meet. Go back to MySpace for that shit, because no “Luis Rodriguez” from El Salvador, I will not accept your friend request.
9. Leaving creepy comments on peoples pictures who you barely know in order to try to get to know them over Facebook. I can’t even tell you how many times I have seen college guys commenting on pictures of girls in high school saying “I know I don’t really know you, but you’re gorgeous” or “you are so cute.” its pathetic and chances are she thinks you’re creepy as fuck. If you’re going to do it, at least stick to girls within 3 years of your age.
10. Sending Farmville requests….or actually playing Farmville in general. The only thing I can imagine being more boring than being a farmer….is pretending to be a farmer online.
